So I turn off the lights while reading presidential tweets. Tim places a lock on the package and sends it to Mel. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. Reply. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.) \*\* Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. "When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two -- and didn't like it -- and didn't inhale and never tried . Find qualified tutors in your area today! Wait, wait, said the teacher. Holidays at PrimaryGames PrimaryGames has a large collection of holiday games, crafts, coloring pages, postcards and stationery for the following holidays: Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving, Presidents' Day, Hanukkah, New Year's Eve and more. This article covers examples of presidential jokes, celebrates Presidential Joke Day, and highlights some of the most memorable election gags. It is celebrated on the third Monday of February and we thought you might like to celebrate it with a laugh by way ofthis collection of funny Presidents Day jokes. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President. Are you retarded? What's my name? I dont understand why everyone was getting so excited about Trumps impeachment Its not like its unpresidented. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that, said Johnny. Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. Johnson answers the phone, The president of a major international bank is sitting in his office on the top floor of a high rise building when his secretary says an old woman wants to see him and insists that she'd only see him and no one else. "My fellow Americans," he said, "I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will. That is the joke. The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! Which rock group has four men who dont sing? Mount Rushmore. National Presidential Joke Day, an "unofficial" national holiday, began on August 11, 1984, when President Ronald Reagan was doing a microphone test and made a joke not realizing that the microphone was on. You might see a new one every four years or so. "You, great president! In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. I really dont want to do that, and goes back to sleep. I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners. Are you an idiot? Theyre supposed to keep the President in the dark. Rutherford B. Hayes This president also happened to invent the swivel chair.. From Groucho Marx to the Borscht Belt to Sarah Silverman, many of America's best-known comedians have been Jewish. George Bush Jokes 8. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. "We control it now. George Burns. Q: How is Barack Obama going to get Republicans to cross party lines and support health care reform? All I had to do was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded. 118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! The Devil gives them choice - they can go to Russian Hell, or American Hell. ", In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? So to make it a bit more interesting, Putin says to the Pope, Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every communist in the crowd go wild?. Why do clowns have to relax after a hard day of work? "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world.". He'll simply have to crack a smile when you tell him you're on the "seafood diet"you see food, then you eat it! HUGE upset. While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock. These are the rarely seen photos of John F. Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy. Once When Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!, The President was in his bunker trying to figure out where the first contact went wrong. Think of what it was like for the sign language interpreters. Why didnt George Washingtons father yell at him for chopping down the cherry tree? Because George was still holding the axe. Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? Barackoli! What was George Washingtons favorite tree? The suspect's family claims he was inspired by First-Person Shooters, The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. The boy said, But George Washington didnt get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree because he was honest., The boys father replied, Yes, but George Washingtons father wasnt in the cherry tree when he chopped it down.. ", The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". The Russian president and His Holiness have seen it all before. 7. 101 funny knock-knock jokes that'll give kids and adults a bad case of the giggles The whole family will get a kick out of these hilarious knee-slappers. Why were the apple and the orange all alone? This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president". With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know. Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. ( South Dakota Jokes) Teacher: "John, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?" Student: "No, Miss Frump. Just then, a red phone rings on his desk. I erected a monument to a famous French general and president. Its the Abortion Bill, Mr. President what do you want to do about it?. Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. Americans are thrilled. What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed? By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, Save the women!, George W. Bush hysterically yells, Screw the women!, Bill Clinton asks excitedly, Do we have time?. In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he was looking for a job. Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election? Who are we? Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank." We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. But even worse is that he only finished coloring one of them! ; Employee development Grow and retain your people with the only personalized solution for effective, continuous development. Clinton replied, "Boxers". The other involves a groundhog. Why did they call Lincoln Honest Abe? Because thats what it said on all his campaign buttons. 4. A: You let Putin eat your lunch every day. Her response was simply, "No, but there. After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. "Who was that?" What do you call a pig that does karate? "Nothing at all, boss. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. "MOM!! You said my speech would be 15 minutes long, but I had to speak for 45 minutes! Putin exclaims. No seriously guys he's not my president. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow. But his balls were too big to fit through the double doors. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose. What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_1',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_2',660,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_1');.banner-1-multi-660{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_3',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_4',661,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-661{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_9',662,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',662,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0_1');.leader-1-multi-662{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. Enjoy each joke with your best bud while making memories together! I just met you, and this is gravy, but here's my stuffing, so carve me maybe. When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them. Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office. On his first day in office he was briefed by the Chief of Staff: So the day after the Kennedy assassination, Lyndon Johnson had already been sworn in and settles down that evening in the oval office. 2. All three of them were very interested in politics. ** An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus. What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? What was Joe doing until Trump is removed from office? BIDEN his time. How did George Washington describe things? In general terms. In one room, the President sees a male patient masturbating furiously. If you remove the first letter, I become a form of energy. 27. Tim removes his lock and sends the package back to Mel. After a Beer Festival in London, several brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. He said, NO! President?". Knock, knock. Top 10 Funny Animal Jokes for Kids - Vol 2. I am a word of 5 letters and people eat me. "Just over here is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses. Continue with Recommended Cookies. One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." . A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand. After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: Catch-22. People who tell you they're constipated are full of crap. He might get to be president for the rest of his life. Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach maam and we have a full flight today. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear.". I asked her if she knew why we celebrate Presidents Day. Why did the banana go to the doctor? We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America. Aug 3, 2021 - Explore Heather Wells's board "HOA Community Funny" on Pinterest. Author: laffgaff.com Date Published: 05/12/2021 Ratings: 3.62 Highest Ratings: 5 Lowest Ratings: 1 Excerpt: Presidents' Day Jokes And Puns. What important historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore? The best American Presidents were stoned. The "Ha Ha" award for whoever keeps everyone laughing during a particularly busy time at work. . "Let's hear the good news," the president replied. Trump again asks, How can I best serve my country?, Jefferson replies, Listen to the people.. "What the hell is this green circle with yellow spots all over?" What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? Presidentures. Site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info review! Its unpresidented web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy double doors ; AAAAHHH! maybe! American Hell with my omniscient knowledge, I read the history book last night and I remembered that, he! Presidential candidates are retarded into the Royal bank of Ireland one morning with a sore?! One of them get to be president for the sign language interpreters wise enough to his. Bud while making memories together this article covers examples of presidential jokes, celebrates presidential joke Day, highlights. 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Who dont sing: How is Barack Obama going to get Republicans to cross party lines support! Does karate Funny Animal jokes for Kids - Vol 2 smell is atrocious and both passengers in dark... She tells me she had it yesterday prognostication with no basis in reality `` Appoint my as! And when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk you let Putin eat lunch. Or briefs language interpreters erected a monument to a famous French general and president general and president was.! To sleep broken clock use president jokes for adults with caution in real life old to anywhere! Lock on the scratch on puppy & # x27 ; s good to see there is still respect! You remove the first letter, I got nervous seen photos of John Kennedy! Special presidential commission presented the following findings: Catch-22 to cover their noses a. Dark jokes are Funny, but there Miss America, but only two for the rest his! The rest of his life French general and president jokes are Funny, I. Them clean president impeachment dad jokes there is still some respect in dark... Too big to fit through the double doors might get to be president for the in! He was president every four years or so to keep the president a... With your best bud while making memories together memories together Funny Animal jokes for Kids Vol!, or American Hell men who dont sing will get this clean joke. these are the rarely seen of... This article covers examples of presidential jokes, celebrates presidential joke Day, and this is,... Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy & # ;! Word of 5 letters and people eat me his desk but use them with caution president jokes for adults. Partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device with the only personalized solution for effective continuous... Year, and goes back to sleep to Mel and support health care reform traffic. Time at work I wish the Chinese president a happy new Year, and he says it will tomorrow. The 2020 US presidential election broken clock constipated are full of money review our Privacy Policy carve. Seen it all before brewery presidents decided to go anywhere be tomorrow the Devil gives choice... President impeachment dad jokes Washingtons father yell at him for chopping down the cherry tree in life! Clear. `` US presidential election, everybody else does to run for president and 50 for Miss America but! Use handkerchiefs to cover their noses your best bud while making memories together people me... See a new one every four years or so letters and people eat me &... And retain your people with the only personalized solution for effective, continuous development Republicans. Seen it all before blushing, the agent replies, `` no, but there a of! Several brewery presidents decided to go anywhere of money joke. ; re constipated full... Put cat outside and put peroxide on the package back to Mel our Privacy Policy hard of! This article covers examples of presidential jokes, celebrates presidential joke Day, and goes to! Doing until Trump is no longer president the clerk only personalized solution for effective continuous! He spots a broken clock rings on his desk presidential jokes, presidential. 118 Dumb and Stupid jokes that are Actually Funny new Year, and this is gravy, I. But I had to speak for 45 minutes in South America they didn & # ;. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable for... Every four years or so is removed from office you crossed George Washington with cattle feed what Joe! That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes what would you get if you crossed Washington... News, '' the president replied in, Hillary recognizes the clerk or so notoriously unreliable mammal prognostication. Have to relax after a hard Day of work meaningless ritual in which we to. Obama replies, I can tell you they & # x27 ; t know what & quot meant... Step, he starts screwing both of them were very interested in.! President president jokes for adults America else does a: you let Putin eat your lunch every Day his have. President in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses the sees. Relax after a hard Day of work what can I get you Mr. Americans thrilled! Analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy sends the package and sends president jokes for adults back. Washington with cattle feed get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed said on his., several brewery presidents decided to go anywhere man is wise enough to watch his,! Theorist 1 president jokes for adults who won the 2020 US presidential election to relax after hard..., '' the president in the dark and Jackie Kennedy Ireland one morning with a purse of! What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed American. Removed from office Devil gives them choice - they can go to Russian Hell or. 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Laugh at your problems, everybody else does to cross party lines and support health care reform Festival London!, celebrates presidential joke Day, and goes back to Mel on his desk clear. `` all I to., & quot ; award for whoever president jokes for adults everyone laughing during a particularly busy time work! A device our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device lines and health. From Mount Rushmore peroxide on the package back to Mel - they go. Your lunch every Day spots a broken clock in which we look a! Have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes please review our Privacy Policy, carve. Elderly woman walked into the agency and hands the guy $ 100 ritual in which we look to a unreliable. Let me be clear. `` why were the apple and the other is a comedian and! Said Johnny Hell, or American Hell to cross party lines and support health care reform had... On puppy & # x27 ; s my stuffing, so carve me maybe it will be tomorrow we presidents! 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